#if my prose is weird in this post its just because i am VERY excited to post the next chapter

[retellingthehobbit]

I'm on break this month! But the pretty-long next chapter of my webcomic adaptation, "The Song of the Lonely Mountain," will arrive on November 13th! Follow my blog here for updates :) In the meantime have a preview and a sleeping Gandalf. Here's a link to chapter 1 of this comic if you want to start from the beginning, and I'll see you all in a month!

[bettsfic]

2022 in writing

whoops, i wrote this at the end of december, put it in my drafts, and forgot about it. this is my seventh year writing a recap and i just read through all of them again. part of me thinks, "it's been 7 years and i haven't accomplished a fraction of what other writers have in that same time." but then the other part of me remembers 1) other writers are on their own path and working at their own speed, and 2) it's unfathomable to me how utterly mentally fucked i used to be. and i mean, i'm still mentally fucked but at least i'm working on getting better. the point is, i had a different starting line than others.

anyway, it's a new year and that means it's time to think to myself for the 7th year running, "dear god when am i going to publish a book." every year i think, this is going to be my year! every year it isn't.

overcame the worst writers' block i've ever had

"overcame" is making it sound more dramatic than it was. i went on a medication that fucked with my brain and then went back off it. but i worry that when i think back on 2022, i'm not going to remember all this cool stuff i did, i'm going to remember how utterly miserable i was for six months. how terrifying it was to feel like someone else was living in my body. i wrote a little bit about it in october's newsletter.

some of this post i've copied over from my newsletter.

but also i have to acknowledge that when i came back to writing, it felt like my brain had been totally rewired and i feel capable, creatively, of about 10x more than i used to be capable of. i'm still trying to articulate what changed and why.

published some things

“shut up and kill me” -- featured in issue 41 of Barren Magazine. the editor who chose it said it was his favorite of the 700+ submissions they received. very happy this weird story has found its home. please heed the warnings!

“coping skills” -- featured in issue 1 of Flossy Lit Mag, a magazine my friends started and which has some great work in it already.

("not if, when" was published january of this year, so it'll go in next year's update)

published other people's things

in 2022, ofic magazine published 33 prose pieces and 3 art pieces! over half of what we accepted came from not yet published authors and you have no idea how happy that makes me.

won a grant

i’m very very excited to say i won the Barbara Deming Memorial Fund grant to help offset the travel expenses of the residency i attended! i’ve been applying to this for years and it’s amazing to have been awarded it. the judges had a lot of lovely things to say about my work and it was a big confidence boost.

did a residency

i spent a month in beautiful Wyoming at the Jentel Arts residency. i met some wonderful artists, got a lot of work done, and had an amazing time. definitely the highlight of my year.

made the top 10 of a big contest

i submitted "Not If, When" to a screenwriting website hosting a prose contest, and out of what seemed to be a lot of submissions, i was a top 10 finalist, and now my story is being pitched to production studios to see if they want to buy the film/tv rights. i've also had a few phone calls with hollywood people wanting to talk to me about my work (i'm still confused about that) and i think they've gone well. no idea what the endgame is here though.

ran other workshop

i intended to run two fanauthor workshops but i only managed one, because of the whole "just gritting my teeth trying to stay alive" thing. but the one i ran i think went really well!

coaching/editing is my job now

i didn't think too much of that until i met with my thesis advisor to get caught up and she was like, wow that's the dream. and she invited me to be a panelist for the annual publishing symposium at my alma mater.

i'm not getting rich or anything, but i've picked up enough commercial copywriting work to make ends meet.

applied/submitted to a few places

totals:

11 residencies (8 rejections, 2 rejections with encouraging feedback, 1 acceptance)

4 publications (1 encouraging rejection, 3 acceptances)

1 award (1 acceptance)

2 screenwriting-ish contests (1 rejection, 1 finalist placement)

this has been far and away my most successful submission year. 6 major wins!

wrote 421k words

what's extra wild about this word count is that ~400k of it was across 6 months. from january 1 to june 16, i wrote only 22k words. and then from june 17 to december 31, i wrote the rest. and for the finished works, this doesn't include their respective trash docs (where i put everything i cut from a story). if i add in those, it's an additional ~90k.

year over year word count comparison:

2022: 421k

2021: 183k

2020: 375k

2019: 430k

2018: 450k

2017: 150k

2016: 343k

2015: 250k

2014: 311k

nine year total: 2,913,000

& other stuff

i really advocated for my mental health this year and i'm super proud of that. i mean dealing with my brain was basically a full-time job and i've come to accept i'll be spending my entire life micromanaging my own head, but for now things are okay

unfortunately i got a diagnosis that wasn't what i expected, that seems mostly correct, and which i'm having trouble accepting

i moved into an apartment with my best friend and it's going really well so far

the only travel i did was to missouri to visit family, and to wyoming for my residency

2022 goal recap (from 2021)

sell a book any book dear god -- got close, but nope

finish a draft of a new novel -- big nope

get an apartment -- yep! and it's great

publish 3 issues of OFIC -- yes and i'm very proud of them

publish 12 newsletters -- no, published 5 newsletters

register OFIC Press as a nonprofit -- not yet, working on it (this is far more difficult than i thought it would be)

run a successful Fanauthor Workshop -- yep! 2 sessions out of my goal of 4

write a proposal for a fanfiction craft book -- no, but i talked to my agent about it and now we're working on it together

write a script (pilot or feature) and submit to contests -- yes but it was Bad and i've gotta, you know, make it not bad

2023 goals

these are going to be remarkably similar to last year's, considering it's all just stuff that's been set in motion.

SELL A BOOK

finish a new novel (it's february and i've already kind of done this, but still putting it on here)

publish 4 issues of ofic mag

publish at least 6 newsletters

build the 2024 ofic press catalogue

apply for nonprofit status

run 4 workshop sessions

submit nonfiction proposal

build a script portfolio (feature, pilot, spec)

find a healthy balance between writing and living

annual thank you!

despite how badly i derailed for the first half of the year, i'm really grateful to fandom, readers, and all the friends i've made here for your support and encouragement, without which i wouldn't have been able to do any of this.

prior year recaps: 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

[loelett]

Lestat Niki Louis Gabrielle Armand

Louis- my sweet cheese my good time boy... i joke about him because he's silly but he's just... so important to me. his constant melancholy and general pathetic demeanor is probably exactly what i would be like as a vampire tbh. he feels the most real and tangible to me, and also the most classic vampire. but he's not like the other GIRLSS!!!! i love how everyone is just so crazy about him, describes him in long poetic prose, and is just in a general agreement that he is the best ever. i will read the paragraphs where the others describe him over and over. meanwhile he is just this Guy with big wet eyes. i love that he is covered in dust. i love reading abt how he adjusts to the modern world but still kind of sticks to the time he was born in (aesthetically/in his mannerisms). i love that he does not try to get involved with vampire drama. he is quiet and thoughtful and nice :) BUT HE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate him

Armand- my relationship with armand and lestat is kind of weird, i feel like in some books i am more of a lestat fan but in others i am insane about armand way over lestat. armand is always staying at a constant place in my heart, meanwhile lestat kinda dances around that? he is a tentative 2nd ig? i love his ominous demeanor. he is both so in control yet so insecure. he's untrustworthy but he loves sincerely, and in the most vice-grip kinda way. his quiet manipulation and desperation for love feels like it's introduced very well in iwtv and fleshed out so amazingly in following books. he's pretty consistently written, which is just really satisfying and nice when almost no one else is UHHHHHHHHHHH

Gabrielle- i just really like her... idk i'm always so excited to read about her... i want to be her i want her gender

Lestat- sorry sorry i'm really weird about lestat GHJJ. i don't know if this is an unpopular opinion or not in the fandom but i do not love how he is characterized post iwtv. i understand ar's desire to turn him more likeable in order to be a main character, but i also think it could have been done better. i think he could have been developed slowly. i HATE. the fact that he's retconned into only killing criminals??? absolutely not. i started tvl extremely excited to see the development of the character from the first book and instead it kind of feels like an entirely different guy. i don't dislike every part obvs! i love how he flips the vampire trope on its head. i love everything he stands for. i love him. but i don't agree with the retconning even if it made the story more digestable or lestat more likeable. we were not supposed to like him in the first book, so why not give us a legitimate reason to like him in the 2nd book instead of saying "nah louis lied haha. love me." for this reason i'll always put louis' FACTUAL description of events over lestat's, whereas the parts like where he describes louis begging him to stay and all that actually do make sense. adding to the story instead of subtracting. anyway i do like him!!! i swear i love lestat. um but he kind of makes me mad.

Nicki- tbh i really need to reread tvl but i do remember loving him, i just can't remember enough of him to rank higher lmfao. i like his comparison to louis, and the fact that he kind of can't get over his jealousy for his own boyfriend. i like how his fall into madness was described, and how lestat basically loses all interest in him. also armand fucked up arc (still has not ended). thinking about him makes me sad (in a good way). top ten reasons to reread tvl

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[courtney-deserved-better]

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

[sageblogsthings]

to celebrate The Crimson Moon reaching 30k as of this morning, i thought that i would share the progression of the opening lines of the book, and talk a bit about how the book has grown and changed in the last year! on july 27th it will be exactly a year since i first started writing this and wow i’m not getting emotional you are aha whaaaat

*cough* anywayyysss!!

draft one: please oh god don't judge me

ok i'm not going to talk negatively about my past writing because it got me to where i am today but. [marge i am looking away meme] if you can't tell, i wrote this when i was going through the existential crisis phase of uni and just wanted to live in the woods, i say like i would not currently move to the woods in a heartbeat asdklfja

at the time that i wrote this i was really happy with it because the writing was fun and, as a result, easy! at this point i was just writing in my down time from uni, and i didn't know what the plot was or what my plans were for the book as a whole. because this was just something i did in my down time, i think my writing took on more of a conversational, stream-of-consciousness tone, and that's part of what made this draft (or start of a draft, i only got like 12k in i think) so easy to write. but eventually, as the plot started to come together and i started to gain more inspiration from sff writers as a whole, i realized that this book wasn't heading in the direction i wanted it to. it wasn't just something to do in my free time at that point, it had taken on a life of it's own. and thus, draft two began.

draft two: electric boogaloo

ngl these lines still slap and i love them. there are definitely things i would change, but these lines will be in the current draft of the book, albeit not in the first chapter and altered slightly. when i started this draft, i didn't have an outline but i had a very clear, cinematic image of how i wanted this chapter to go. i think having that before i started writing helped a looooot, both in terms of prose and just being able to convey aspects of the setting/character in the first paragraph. as i continued writing this draft though, i realized that some of the character arcs didn't make sense or were getting a bit messy, and that, based on the story i wanted to tell, it didn't make sense to start with Xalia. while there are six main pov characters in this book, Vanna really is the main character and i wanted that to be clear.

draft three: this time it's personal actually good

these are the current first lines of the book, and honestly my favorite so far! starting off with Vanna rather than Xalia definitely gives the book a different feel, and it's one that's more true to the vision i have for it. in my opinion, this opening does a much better job of setting up some of the book's themes, which admittedly i'm still figuring out lol. grief and loss are major components of all the character arcs, and are integral to the plot itself. switching to present tense has also been a LIFE CHANGER for me. it's funny because, on the second stab at this book, i kept slipping into present tense, but forcing myself back to past tense because i thought present tense sounded weird. turns out it only sounded weird because it was surrounded by past tense, and now that i've written 3 chapters in present tense i can solidly say that this is the way the book was meant to be written. it just feels like my book now, and i'm so happy with where it's headed!

i also made an outline for this draft of the book, and while i've already deviated from it somewhat to work out plot holes or increase ~foreshadowing~ in certain scenes, getting all of the events out of my head and onto paper has really allowed me to just write because i know that i have a document to refer back to if i get stuck on where the story is headed. making the outline also really pushed me to think about character backstories, most of which i had previously established, but now they've changed a lot to fit together more cohesively and integrate with the plot more clearly. i've also changed a lot of the character designs, and as a result of changing the appearances and backstories of a lot of the characters, i feel a lot closer to them and the story itself. the characters have well and truly taken on a life of their own, and now i'm kind of just along for the ride, telling their stories and loving every second of it!

ALSO!! the last big change with this draft, which i just implemented literally this morning and am so so sooooo excited about, is having first person referral, present tense mini-chapters/interludes! it gives the book a really unique sound and ties into the plot really nicely i think! i feel like the structure and form of the story are finally tying into the story itself and it's driving me insane a little bit askdfjka

as of right now i'm not ready to reveal who the pov and referral characters are in these chapters, because i'm debating between a couple ways of doing things and if i go one way that would end up being a pretty big spoiler! that being said, i got really hyped up about it earlier today and rambled in the spoilers section of my server so if you do want that sweet sweet spoilers content....join my server! ;)

also. i hope u all know that i almost deleted that first snippet about ten different times but transparency in writing and all that, i really do want to show how much this book has grown and changed! even if it's going to cause me immense psychic damage to type up the image description for this but i digress

i think that's all for now, and thank you so so much if you read all of that! the love and support this project has received and continues to receive absolutely blow me away, and i can't thank you enough for being part of the journey! <3

the crimson moon taglist (ask to be +/-)

@dallonswords | @isherwoodj | @florraisons | @aetherwrites | @childhoodlovers | @bijouxs | @ziyin | @moonhungers | @piyawrites | @avi-why | @svpphicwrites | @alicewestwater | @ladywithalamp | @spencers-tomes | @discreet-writer | @sunwornpages | @abalonetea | @the-bard-writes | @x-writes | @morganwriteblr​ ​| @aphaimaniis | @stephwriteswords | @ninazeniks ​| @araliensmagica | @fuyugomori | @ryns-ramblings | @greyjaywrites | @marimos

image descriptions below the cut

[header image description]

the background is a dark castle with a checkerboard-patterned marble floor. the hallway fades into black, with the hint of a figure standing in the doorway. white text across the image reads "The Crimson Moon" in a large, all-caps font, and below that reads "wip update post" in thin, lowercase text.

[image description for excerpt one]

I lay on my back, gazing up at the sky. The weather was absolutely perfect. I could hear the crickets singing, the birds chirping, the brook babbling, all that good poetic shit.

I came out here often, just to get away and pretend like I wasn't a part of the fuck-all society I lived in. How could humans be so ignorant? We live in a world with this, I gestured expansively in my mind at the field around me, how can we not see how beautiful it is? How perfect it is? How imperfect we are by comparison?

[image description for excerpt two]

Xalia strode down the marble halls, the soft leather of her shoes meeting each tile with a cacophony of echoes. This was not the first, second, hundredth time that she had walked these passageways, and yet the chill she felt when contained within their depths never seemed to subside. The looming corridors and billowing curtains always seemed to hide sinister whispers that breathed down her neck and pricked at the tips of her ears. Perhaps it was the High Council, with their unnerving masks and owlish eyes, seeming to know and perceive all — or perhaps it was the knowledge that every time she stalked back towards the exit, she would carry the weight of another’s life on her shoulders, a life that she had to take.

[image description for excerpt three]

Vanna’s mother always tells them that grief is a sharp, biting thing; something that latches its teeth around your stomach until you double over with the weight of it. But for Vanna, that’s not quite right. There isn’t something hidden and tucked away behind the confines of their gut because there isn’t anything there at all. As they walk towards the town well — a spell book in one hand and emptiness in the other — they think that their mother got it wrong trying to describe grief in terms of presence. Grief, to them, can only be absence. The absence of light, the absence of a smile, and the absence of a palm which had curled so perfectly into theirs.

[bookcoversalt]

Have you noticed the latest edition of Charlie Bowater can only draw one (1) face? She did The Princess Will Save You and Cast In Firelight both YA Fantasy set to be released this year. And they are how you say... the same fucking cover

Ah yes so you saw the same tweet I did

I know I literally just posted that we cannot outlaw book covers from looking like each other, but ! Oof!

The only thing that softens the blow here is that Charlie has improved at representing nonwhite features such that characters look like POC rather than tan white people, although,, that bar was low. Anybody remember the ACOTAR coloring book.

(Would you have guessed that 2/3 of these people are nonwhite? Or even that they’re supposed to be three different men? I guess all the men in Prythian have the same haircut?)

But that minor victory is mostly lost in the quagmires of the fact that Charlie’s style is to give everyone instagram face:

I wouldn’t even call this “Sameface” necessarily: that implies limitation, that an artist is only capable of drawing a single facial structure competently. Bowater is incredibly technically talented, she just chooses to give everyone catlike fae eyes and the cheekbones of a starving nymph. (My previous post on this here.)

But I don’t really blame her for that, or for these hilariously identical, nearly devoid of personality covers. Artists are allowed to do whatever they want. Artists who make art for covers are being art directed by designers and marketing teams who bear responsibility for how the finished pieces turn out.

No, this is our fault, as a community and an industry and..... society, kind of, for valuing character portraits that are “pretty” (“pretty” being an extremely loaded, culturally subjective concept) over art that actually Says Something About The Story. Bowater’s style happens to dovetail perfectly with what we currently collectively find pretty, and so we’ve put her art on a pedestal at the cost of everything else art can or should do for our stories.

And this is understandable: in contemporary western culture, pretty is a value unto itself. Seeing our characters portrayed as pretty denotes them as special, as smart, as powerful. It’s almost impossible to de-program ourselves from that reaction. There are approximately five kajillion studies on how beautiful people are at personal and professional advantages; how they’re perceived to be happier, healthier, more successful, and how those perceptions can translate into realities. (Nevermind how thinness and whiteness enter that equation, see above note about “pretty”.) I would love to see more “average” or weird- looking characters abound (and be accurately visually represented) in the YA/ Genre lit sphere, but for now... everyone is pretty.

Which sometimes means everyone is pretty boring.

But that’s just the specific, "What’s the deal with Bowater’s success in book circles and her style and all the sameiness” part of this equation. What if we backed up and asked: why character art at all? Beyond a question of “pretty”-ness (and general obvious Artistic Quality), why do we gravitate towards it, what's the purpose of it, how does it fall flat in a general sense, and how can it be utilized more effectively?

This is something I think about all the time. I follow writers on social media (because..... I am a writer on social media, regrettably), and we have an enormous collective boner for character art. “Getting fanart [of the characters]” is one of the achievement pinnacles constantly cited when people get or want to get published. Commissioning character art is something we reward ourselves with, or save up for (WHICH IS GOOD AND CORRECT. FREE ART IS GREAT BUT DO NOT SOLICIT IT. PAY YOUR ARTISTS). And like???? Same????? We love our stories because we’re invested in our characters. Most humans, even prose writers, are visual creatures to some extent, and no matter how happy we are with our text-based art, it’s exciting to see our creations exist in that form. So we turn that art into promo material and we advocate for it on our covers-- because it’s so meaningful to us! It goes with the story perfectly!! Look at my dumb beautiful children!!!!!

But on an emotional level, it’s hard to grasp that it only means something to us. Particularly when you take into account the aforementioned vast landscape of beautiful visual blandness of many characters (in the YA/ genre lit sphere, that’s pretty much all I’m ever talking about), character art can be like baby photos. If you know the baby, if that baby is your new niece or your friend’s kid, if you’ve held them and their parent texts you updates when they do cute shit, you’re probably excited to see that baby photo. But unless it’s exceptionally cute, a random stranger’s baby photo isn’t likely to invoke an emotional reaction other than “this is why I don’t get on facebook.”

Seeing art of characters they don’t know might intrigue a reader, but especially if the characters or art are unremarkable-looking, it’s doing a hell of a lot more for the people who already have an emotional attachment to that character than anybody else. And that’s fine. Art for a small, invested audience is incredibly rewarding. But like the parent who cannot see why you don’t think their baby is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY IN THE WORLD???? I think we have trouble divesting our emotional reaction to character art from its actual marketing value, which.... is often pretty minimal. This is my hill to die on #143:

Character portraits, even beautiful ones, are meaningless as a marketing tool without additional context or imagery. 

I love character art! I’m not saying it should not exist or that it’s worthless! Even art that appeals to only the one single person who made it has value and the right to exist. And part of this conversation is how important for POC to see themselves on covers, whether illustrations or stock imagery, particularly in YA/kidlit. I’m not saying character portrait covers are “bad”. 

I am saying that I have seen dozens and dozens of sets of character art for characters who look interchangeable, and it has never driven me to preorder a book. (Also one character portrait for a high-profile 2019 debut that was clearly just a painting of Amanda Seyfriend. You know the one. There’s nothing wrong with faceclaims but lmfao, girl,,,,)

I’m sure that’s not true for everyone! I am incredibly picky about art. It’s my job. There’s nothing wrong with your card deck of cell-shaded boys of ambiguous age and ethnicity who all have the same button nose and smirk if it Sparks Joy for you.

But if your goal is not only to delight yourself, but to sell books, it’s in your best interest to remember that art, like writing, is a form of communication. The publishing industry runs on pitches: querys, blurbs, proposals, self-promo tweets. What if we applied that logic to our visuals? How can we utilize our character design and art to communicate as much about our stories as possible, in the most enticing way?

Social media has already driven the embrace of this concept in a very general sense. Authors are now supposed to have ~ aesthetics. “Picspams” or graphics, modular collages that function as mini moodboards, are commonplace. But the labor intensity and relative scarcity of character art visible in bookish circles, even on covers, means that application of marketing sensibility to it is less intuitive than throwing together a pinterest board.

Since we were talking about it earlier, WICKED SAINTS, as a case study of a recent “successful” fantasy YA debut, arguably owed a lot of its early social media momentum to fanart.

(Early fanart by @warickaart)

The most frequently drawn character, Malachiasz, has long hair, claws, and distinctive face tattoos. WS has a strong aesthetic in general, but those features clearly marked his fanart as him in a way even someone unfamiliar with the book could clearly track across different styles. Different interpretations of his tattoos from different artists even became a point of interest.

(Art by Jaria Rambaran, also super early days of WS Being A Thing)

Aside from distinctiveness, it's a clear visual representation of his history as a cult member, his monstrous powers, and the story’s dark, medieval tone. The above image is also a great example of character interaction, something missing from straightforward portraits, that communicates a dynamic. Character dynamics draw people into stories: enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, childhood rivals, platonic life partners, love triangles, devoted siblings, exes who still carry the flame-- there’s a reason we codify these into tropes, and integrate that language and shared knowledge into our marketing. For another example in that vein, I really love this art by @MabyMin, commissioned by Gina Chen:

The wrist grip! The fancy outfits! These are two nobles who hate each other and want to bone and I am sold. 

In terms of true portraits, the best recent example I can think of is the set @NicoleDeal did for Roshani Chokshi’s GILDED WOLVES (I believe as a preorder incentive of some kind?): 

They showcase settings, props, and poses that all communicate the characters’ interests, skills, and personality, as well as the glamorous, elaborate aesthetic of the overall story. Even elements in the gold borders change, alluding to other plot points and symbology.

For painterly accuracy in character portraits on covers, I love SPIN THE DAWN. The heroine looks like a beautiful badass, yes, but the thoughtful, detailed rendering of every element, soft textures, and dynamic, fluid composition form a really cohesive, stunning illustration that presents an intriguing collection of story elements.

The devil isn’t always in the details, though: stark, moody, highly stylized or graphic art with an emphasis on textural contrast and bold color and shape rather than representational accuracy can communicate a lot (emotionally and tonally) while pretty much foregoing realism.

The new Lunar Chronicles covers are actually the best examples I found of this (Trying to stay within the realm of existing bookish art rather than branch into All Art Of Human Figures Forever):

Taking cues from styles more typical of the comics and video game industries.  (Games and comics, as visual mediums, are sources of incredible character art and I highly recommend following artists in those industries if you want to See More Cool Art On Your Timeline.)

TL;DR: Character art and design, as a marketing tool (even an incidental one) should be as unique to your story and your characters as possible, and tell us about the story in ways that make us want to read it. I tried to give examples because there are so many ways to do this, and so many different kinds of art, and I could give many more! But I’m bored now. So to circle all the way back:

These are not just bad because they look like each other, although that is embarrassing and illuminating. These are bad covers (although,,,,, PRINCESS is the far worse offender, at least FIRELIGHT suggests a thoughtful cultural analogue) because a desire for Pretty Character Art overrode the basic cover function to tell us about the story. We get no sense of who these people are, what their relationships are, what these books are about beyond the most general genre, or why we might care. The expressions are vague, the characters generic-looking, the compositions uninteresting and the colors failing to be indicative of anything in particular. 

They’re somebody else’s baby pictures.

(And yes, that’s the CRUEL PRINCE font on PRINCESS. I better not have to do a roundup post but it’s on thin fucking ice.)

[avasghost]

Crane Anatomy Update #2

(slightly outdated WIP intro here)

DISCLAIMER: this is my original work. please do not plagiarize in any way.

Hello!! I’m finally back with the second crane anatomy update!

first of all, this is probably going to be a very long post, so brace yourself for a lot of mindless rambling.

LOTS of things have changed since the last update, and its going much better now thankfully! what has happened:

i restarted the book

i changed the form

i got very burnt out

i stopped being burnt out (mostly) after making a verb list (fun verbs always help)

i figured out some stuff about my writing process

so there’s a lot to cover.

first!! I restarted the book!! This is obviously the biggest change that took place. I made a post about it here, when i wasn’t sure if i was going to restart yet, and then decided to go for it and now i’m about 4000 words into the new version. It’s going a lot better in most ways, the prose is better (somewhat), and so far nothing boring or unnecessary has happened so that’s nice! but also some things are worse: this version is burning me out a lot more, probably because i’m trying harder to make it good. there was a long period when i was hardly writing it at all, but i’m getting into it a bit more now so that’s good.

secondly, with the restart, i made a few form changes that i love and really benefit the story. first of all, it’s not in vignettes anymore (sigh of relief) because i realized that wasn’t working and the book didn’t need it. vignettes are kinda light and jumpy and fast paced, and at first i thought that was perfect for this book because of its lightness, but as i figured out more things about the characters and plot, i realized that even though the settings and aesthetic are quite sunny and bright, it’s actually a very inherently heavy story and the longer chapters will help that quite a lot with the lightness and yet also heaviness if that makes sense?? and also, the exciting part: every second chapter is a vignette flashback to Isobel’s old life.

for context, at the beginning of the first chapter, they arrive at their new house, and it’s them entering a new life, which is much darker than their old life. but the vignette chapters are flashbacks to their childhood growing up in their old house. the prose in these vignettes is very hazy and bright and dreamy and saturated, because Isobel’s memories of her childhood portray it as brighter and better than it probably really was.

and finally, in all these major changes, i figured out something about my writing process: i’m a pantser, but i like to have the first few chapters outlined, as sort of a springboard into the rest of the book, something solid to base everything else off of. i guess that technically makes me a plantser, even though everything else is pantsed.

now, onto the chapters and excerpts! i’m finished the first chapter and the first vignette, and currently working on chapter 2.

you may notice that some scenes are very similar to the first attempt, because i did keep a lot of scenes and also a lot of the same prose.

excerpts under the cut.

chapter 1: this new life

it felt soooooo good to write a full length chapter again. after trying to write vignettes for a while, writing a full length chapter was so much more enjoyable. i used to be a very serious underwriter, but (luckily) have mostly gotten over that and can write actual full chapters now, and have a hard time writing short ones!

i named the chapter “this new life” because my plan is to mirror it later in the book, when there’s a vignette flashback to right before they left their old house and its called “this old life” (if i decide to title the vignettes). i love mirroring chapter titles and lines and stuff so i’m excited for this.

ALSO i said in the first writing update (which i won’t link because it’s embarrassing) that there’s a redwood tree in the backyard, but i changed it to an oak tree lol because i realized it would be v weird for someone to have a random redwood tree growing in their backyard.

excerpts

first of all, the new first line:

(idk if this is actually an oak tree but i don’t care about tree accuracy as long as there’s aesthetic accuracy ✨)

The first time Isobel steps onto the lawn outside the new house is the first time she feels her life change in person. It’s instantaneous, like a death or a rebirth. Clouds thread across a sun-smothered sky like gossamer strands, swallows trill out of the limbs of oak trees that arrow down the sidewalk. The car only halfway to a stop, and Isobel has already clambered out. A squirrel bullets along an oak branch. A wind chime tremolos in the breeze. It’s the first day of summer. Life has never felt so dead.

a bit about them unpacking and living sad times (also i changed their mom’s name from beth to pamela because beth was too stereotypical)

Nobody speaks except to toss instructions back and forth, or ask for something to be passed to them as they unpack the few things they need to last the night. Their mother, Pamela, is quick-tempered. It’s clear she never wanted to come here, even though she always smiled when they talked about it, encouraged everybody, told them it was for the best, which it was. It was for the best, but that didn’t make it a good thing. That didn’t brighten the prospect, make it feel better. That just made it less avoidable.

Cyrus, their father, keeps up his usual attitude of encouragement, just like Pamela, pointing out every good thing: the sunlight that spangles everything in citrine, the pizza he’s about to order, the bluebird that spits music in the open window, though he says all these things half-heartedly. His faltering smiles give him away. The strands of grey hair pasted to his forehead. The woolly cable-knit sweater he only wears when he’s unhappy and has been wearing almost every day for the last two months.

and of course, margaret is having the time of her life because she’s margaret:

Margaret is the only one who shows no sign of remorse. She unpacks quickly, then spends the rest of the day ruffling through boxes and coolers for crinkly chip bags and frozen strawberries that melt on your tongue and dribble down your throat. A pocket mirror spined with cracks sits beside her on the table, in case she needs to tweak her reflection. Gold chain jewelry chimes around her throat when she moves, glints in the sunlight that pools around her.

after they eat dinner and isobel leaves (yes i’ve shared most of this excerpt before but it’s one of my favorite parts so here it is again!)

After dinner, Isobel’s throat is still throbbing and she decides to leave the house, leave her family, so if she cries no one has to see her. She doesn’t know where she’ll go, where there is to go, but at seven o’clock she lies about where she’s going, shoves out of her chair and clatters out the door without saying goodbye.

From the doorstep, this new life is just a neighborhood. A car parked in half the driveways, the others at work or school or nowhere. Hedges only trimmed on one side. Flower beds, half withering and half thriving. Marigolds are the most radiant as Isobel stalks down the road. Their fluorescent buds like blood-rimmed suns.

She walks down the middle of the road because the town is quiet at this time, no cars whisk on the pavement, swish corners because they don’t think anyone will be walking there. It’s a risk she finds thrilling because she knows Pamela would make her stop if she was here.

Isobel told them she would go explore the neighborhood, the town, maybe the empty spaces outside it. Wave hello to the skinny chiffon woman bent double over the trunk of her red Chevrolet, the man in the houndstooth jacket in his gaping garage, smoke snaking up the throat of his cigarette. Smile when they wave back.

and of course she runs into a forest because everything i write features too many forest scenes!

She runs until her breath clumps in her chest and she stops, one hand splayed over the itchy bark of an elm tree to keep her balance. It’s dark here, but she’s not afraid of the dark. It’s lonely here, but she’s immune to loneliness. Trees spoke the thin canopy, a veil of gauzy leaves. The sky is clotted with sagging clouds.

this chapter is also where we meet felix, who i love so much. i want to make a character intro for him and also his brother, miles, soon, but i’ve been planning to do that for weeks and haven’t yet so i don’t know when/if i will.

felix shows up in the forest and he and isobel talk a bit: felix is very nice and isobel is my lil psychopath wannabe <3. isobel ends up leaving abruptly because it’s about to rain, and then she gets home and talks with piper a bit and then goes to bed. i don’t like ending chapters with characters going to bed, because i do it so much! a character going to bed has a sense of closure since its the end of the day, and obviously there’s nothing wrong with ending a chapter like this, but i do it do often that it’s starting to irritate me.

first vignette

i still haven’t decided how i’m going to title the vignettes. they’re not chapters, so this isn’t going to be called ‘chapter 2′, but they’re still sort of chapters?? right now i just have them titled as roman numerals, but i’m not happy with this and am going to change it as soon as i think of something better.

this vignette is a short flashback to that morning, right before they leave to go to their new house. it features isobel and piper going into the forest and then they leave and its v sad.

this is the first flashback in the book, and then in future flashbacks it jumps back a few years and follows their childhood right up to this flashback again. the last flashback is going to end with the same line as the first line of the actual book, so it comes full circle.

excerpts

There were different types of trees. It was a different town, in a different province. Isobel and Piper had evaded Pamela’s searching fingers, hopped the fence, blotted under the trees like redwing blackbirds.

Piper slowed first, sunlight quivering over her sawn black curls, pinching out a cramp after outrunning Isobel the whole time.

same excerpt as in the first update but with an extra sentence at the end and the beginning! why share new prose when you can just recycle old excerpts galaxy brain

here’s when pamela calls them out of the forest and they leave:

Pamela’s raspy shouts wound Piper and Isobel out of reverie. They trundled to their feet, flitted through the trees back to the house. Then they left.

Isobel stared at the house through the rear window as the car clicked into motion, wheels whirring on the pavement. She watched it shrink: first it was her home, then just a house, then a dollhouse, a triangle of roof on the horizon, and then nothing. From that point on, it was just an image in her head, a lingering wish. A life lost. A life she would never get back again.

this is v sad i’m sorry characters but i had to cause you this misery for the sake of the plot (also you probably deserve it)

anyway that’s all i have for this update! bye!

- Ava

Crane Anatomy taglist (ask to be added/removed!):

@gracestowewriting​​ @flip-phones @shaelinwrites​​​

[friendofspidermannedleeds]

2020 overview: writing edition 

Tagged by the loveliest and kindest of friends, @momentofmemory​. 

I’m not tagging anyone because I’ve not been around and am sure most have done this by now, but if you’re reading this and you’ve not been tagged and would like to participate please say I tagged you! <3 

1. List of works published this year 

The Kid Really is Smitten (Peter & Happy, Peter/MJ. 233) Nightmares and New Beginnings (May & Peter. 733)  Normal Teenager Stuff (May & Peter. 5+1, 1.8k)  Breaking a Promise (May & Peter, May & Tony. 3.3k) Carry Me (Morgan & Happy. 1.2k)

Fictober 2020 Series  * Works around 1k+ include:�� Somebody to Talk To (May & Karen. 1.8k) Fireproof (Happy & Peter. 904) Flight Conversation (MJ & Peter. 967) Incalculable Worth (Ben & Peter. 2.8k) Regrets (May & Peter. 1.2k) A Nice Peaceful Afternoon (Mr. Harrington and the AcaDec kids. 3k) 

Knowing (Peter/MJ, May & MJ. 2.5k)  Forever Ours (May & Peter, May/Ben. 3.8k)  2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

I think it would have to be Incalculable Worth from my Fictober series. I’m forever disappointed in the Ben Parker erasure of the MCU and had been wanting to give him the respect he deserves. Most of this fic came to me much more quickly than my typical writing inspo (that Fictober deadline magic!), and even though I still have things I might change about the final product, I’ve never been so pleased with a fic’s result and reception. Several lovely people stumbled across this fic on Ao3 and left kind comments about how moved they were, which makes me think that I did what I set out to do! 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

This would be Nightmares and New Beginnings. I just think it’s weird. I was so new to fic when I wrote it and was feeling experimental one night. I normally write quite slowly and edit a lot, but the idea for this one came to me after midnight and I published the fic before 2am. I hated it when I woke up and nearly deleted it. Two months later, as I was beginning to post Fictober on Ao3, I almost deleted it once again. The words of one extremely kind commenter saved it from destruction, however, so it’s still there! 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing 

This is going to be hard for me because I don’t actually enjoy my writing for its composition! I like the concepts and character interactions a lot but I’m not terribly proud of my actual writing ability yet. 😬 

My favorite thing I’ve written lately is the ending to Forever Ours, my new fic about May and Ben adopting Peter, but I don’t want to put it here because it might be a very minor spoiler. 

So here’s a little section of Trust, my last Fictober ficlet. I liked it because May’s inner turmoil over Peter’s Spider-Man life is one of my absolute favorite things to write about. 

What troubles her most is this: whatever is out there, whoever he’s fighting—they won’t know he is fifteen. That he’s a child. That he loves Legos, and Star Wars, and science puns, and Mathletes. But what can she say? 

He’s not asking for permission. He’ll do this no matter what she says, and they both know it. 

He is asking for her blessing.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

This review meant so much to me! This lovely commenter read multiple May and Ben Parker fics and it was so nice to find that I’m not the only one who wants more of the Parker family than what we get in the MCU. It made me feel like my niche writing wasn’t of interest to me and me alone after all. :) 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

Halfway through Fictober, I lost one of the most important people in my life. It was devastating. Writing was nice about 90% of the time, and actually a nice distraction that helped me take a break from the grief. But sometimes it wasn’t, sometimes it felt impossible, and that was when I’d just skip writing or posting and wait until it would serve me again. (So I finished Fictober a little later than I wanted to, but I have 0 regrets about that.) 

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

I only wrote one thing that wasn’t an MCU Spidey fic, and that was Carry Me with Morgan and Happy. I wasn’t expecting to write it at all, and it’s not one of my favorite finished fics, but I really enjoyed the process. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year

I grew by writing fic for the first time! My job for the majority of this year involved a lot of nonfiction copywriting, so I’m an experienced writer, but I had no idea what writing would be like outside my “professional life.” I’m glad I tried it! 

9. How do you hope to grow next year

I’m hoping to finish and publish a longer (for me) fic! I’m currently working on Penance, a fic about MCU Spidey’s origins and Uncle Ben’s influence. It should be at least 6-7k by the time I’m finished. I know that is actually short, but I haven’t even cracked 4k yet 😂 Longer fics stress me out because I don’t feel confident enough in my ability to tie together so many words, and I also can’t come up with plots to save my life. So this will be a stretch for me and I am looking forward to it! 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)

This is, without question, @momentofmemory​. For so many reasons. (Sorry in advance for how rambly this will get, my friend.) 

Mem’s writing (particularly this May fic that is perfection and no I will never stop rec’ing it til the day I die thank you) is to blame/thank for getting me into fic in the first place. I’d been here in the Spidey fandom on Tumblr but I didn’t trust fanfic because I’d seen my most beloved characters shoved to the side/killed off in too many stories. I began 2020 hating all fanfic tbh. But then I read Mem’s captivating masterpieces (like this, the greatest one-shot!) and opened my heart to fic that celebrates the worlds I love! 

Mem is the kindest human ever. She read ALL of my Fictober works and left the kindest comments that made my heart soar. Knowing that my favorite author had taken the time to read all of that motivated me to write more than anything else has this year! 

Sometimes, when I was trying to write fic but felt burned out or uninspired, I’d go and read Mem’s writing. Her prose is divine, her dialogue is realistic, her characters and their relationships are so well thought-out--her work inspires me! I’d read it and feel excited by the ways that we can use our words to create beautiful things, and though I’m not anywhere near her level, I do think that reading her work has made me a better writer. 

Bonus positive influence: @i-lovethatforme​! Jess, thank you for being the world’s best cheerleader, for being endlessly kind and supportive, and for being my first ever beta in November. I go back and read your wonderful comments whenever I’m doubting myself. You’re an absolute gem and ilysm ❤

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year?

Yep. Regrets is about grief, and I was grieving pretty heavily when I wrote it. Peter’s regrets didn’t necessarily mirror mine, but writing it was still a cathartic experience. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

Write what you want to write! Since I don’t do IronDad or smut, I wasn’t sure if anyone in the MCU Spidey fandom would be interested in my work. I thought briefly about trying to write based on what I thought people would read, but I decided against it. I enjoy writing platonic friendships and family fic more than anything else, so that’s what I publish most. I write what I want to write, and it’s made me so happy! 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year?

I have a few things I’m excited about! I’ve got some Spideychelle ficlets that might be a series. They’ll focus on Peter and MJ after coming back from The Blip, featuring MJ trying to ignore her crush and Peter developing a crush. The other is Penance, the MCU Spidey origins/Ben Parker story. 

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

I think I’d say Knowing, my fic about Peter/MJ that’s more about MJ & May bonding. I just love these two women with all my heart, and I’m proud of the way this one turned out because I think it honors both of them pretty solidly.  

15. End of Year word count

36,625 words! It’s not a lot in comparison to other writers but it’s a huge accomplishment for me! 

[bathroombreaks]

fic writer challenge

i was tagged by @inyoursheets (tyy <3) to list my 4 fave fics i’ve written and i wasn’t gonna do it because i only have 5 and then she said to just order the 5 and i decided not to because it’s a lot of work but i’m procrastinating rn, so i’m gonna do it after all!! :) isn’t this exciting? lolol

5. little league (never felt so sweet). beth and rio meet after little league practice au. this is my best liked fic in the fandom, and i’m happy people seem to enjoy it, but i just... i am not of the same opinion lolol

i mean, i like it, but i think i was too fixated on what i wanted them to say when i came up with it and i kind of ignored that maybe what i wanted them to say was not that good and that the conversation ended up sounding super awkward. i am still really happy with the idea of having the receptionist have a crush on beth, but i don’t think i emphasised it enough for someone that wasn’t me to notice it and that ultimately the focus i put on that conversation just took away from beth x rio time. so, yeah...

4. everything you love will burn up in the light. vampire au. second best liked fic. i’m sensing a pattern here lolol

i really like the idea and i have a lot of backstory in my head, so there’s a chance i’ll write another fic in this universe for next halloween if i don’t think up something else, but the execution is... not it. i came up with the idea the day before halloween and i was too focused on posting it on time for the spooky holliday instead of writing the best fic i could. i’m not as unhappy with it as i am with little league (never felt so sweet), but i think it def shows that it was rushed.

3. bleed me a river. my take on rio coming back, pre-s3. this is the first fic i wrote and it’s my least liked fic.

i get why other people don’t like it as much as me. i think my weird purple prose with its repetition and weird metaphors is at it’s peak here and i get why people don’t like that. but i do really love some of the lines in this fic (like, i am still in love with the way i described the imagery in beth’s nightmares. sorry to people that can actually like analyse writing and disagree with me, but i don’t care) and, unlike the other two, i don’t think it’s rushed. like, i could do better, but i really think i did my best at the time and there’s honestly not that much i’d change now. i just like it lolol

2. the bittersweet salt cracks my heart. my pg-13 take on hate sex post-s3. tied for least liked with bleed me a river, but it’s also newer so i think it’ll surpass it eventually haha

ok so i get that it’s hypocritical of me to like this one better than everything you love will burn up in the light when this one was also written in just one day and it’s shorter, but i think the difference is that i got what i wanted out of this fic. yeah, it’s short. yeah, i’m sure it could be improved. but i wrote what i wanted and i’m not really ever going back and thinking of what could’ve been with this one, i’ve just accepted that it is what it is and i’m happy with that. plus, i think that line about rio being clumsy for once is funny lolol

1. A Heart’s A Heavy Burden. howl’s moving castle au. it sits right at the middle, in terms of kudos. i get that such a specific au isn’t everybody’s cup of tea haha plus it’s a wip with only 1 chapter and i completely get not wanting to get into that lolol

i both like and dislike this fic the most. i’m really happy with the first chapter (that’s a lie, i hate how abruptly i ended it lolol), but i wrote it in this weirdly formal english because that’s how it came to me and i’m having a hard time trying to keep that up in chapter 2 :(( very excited to actually write the whole thing though, i figured out the whole outline before i even started chapter 1 and just yes there are some things ahead i’m very excited to write haha i think if i hadn’t done the outline beforehand though this would be hell lolol

not gonna tag anyone because i’m pretty sure everyone has been tagged already, but if you haven’t and you wanna do it, please do :)

[24hour-blues]

all the ones you haven't answered yet? i'm sorry you're sad💙

thank you, that's very sweet. i hope you're doing alright 💛

1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - more milk. i always end up putting too much.

2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? - yes

3. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - library receipts, post-its, junk mail, pencils

5. are you self-conscious of your smile? - i think it’s one of the few things i’m not self-conscious about, actually. i like my smile.

8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - writing, often poetry but sometimes prose. i like creating playlists, too, and singing.

9. do you like singing/humming to yourself? - yeah, i sing to myself all the time. whatever song i have stuck in my head at the moment.

10. do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - side, but very occasionally my stomach.

12. what’s your favorite planet? - jupiter

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - lots of pillows and blankets of all types. succulents and cacti on the windowsills. wooden utensils and dark cabinets in the kitchen. a breakfast bar with stools that don’t match. rugs with funky patterns. a big, soft couch in a bright color that you can sink into. a small balcony with fold-out chairs. rows of mugs and barely any plates. the bathroom crowded with makeup and skin products, writing on the mirror in blue marker. beds never made. a guitar in the corner of the sitting room.

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - there are more trees on earth than stars in the milky way

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish? - angel hair pasta with puttanesca sauce

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - i can’t think of anything...

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? - everything. sometimes it’s big things, sometimes small. my fears and what i’m in love with. regrets. shame. hope.

20. what’s your favorite eye color? - grey

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - idk if it’s really my favorite, but my current backpack took me all through college and it’s good for storing stuff or using as an overnight bag. it’s from timberland and is a nice earthy brown with a flap over the top. lots of pockets.

22. are you a morning person? - i can be

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - make breakfast and tea. read or watch a movie that makes me rethink everything

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - a school, i think?

26. what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - i haven’t had them forever, but i wear my doc martens with everything. i used to wear plain white keds with everything.

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - winter green

28. sunrise or sunset? - sunrise

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - yes

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - i like soft, fluffy socks and ones with fun patterns. i love hiking socks. i don’t wear them to sleep tho.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - i went to a waffle house at 5am with a friend and some friends of hers i’d just met on her birthday. we were all really drunk, the food took forever, and it tasted awful, but we were happy and laughing.

33. what’s your fave pastry? - probably a cinnamon roll

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - i like a good calligraphy pen and new notebooks. i don’t use them often; i feel like i don’t have anything important enough to write.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - it’s usually clean unless i’m not feeling well. sometimes i get disorganized.

38. tell us about your pet peeves! - overlapping conversations. people interrupting others. loud mouth noises, like chewing or licking. people criticizing my driving. nitpicky comments on my clothes or how i look. being talked about.

39. what color do you wear the most? - black, probably.

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - how it feels to float by helena fox

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - nope

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - i’m not sure

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - i can’t remember

45. do you trust your instincts a lot? - not really

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of. - i can’t remember it but something about pigeons and being coo-l

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - bacon. i just wanna make people angry.

48. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - my dad told me a story once, about when i was a kid. he said that he and i were walking together near the lake in the neighborhood across from mine. i was holding his hand, and i said to him that this was the happiest time in my life because i wouldn't be the same when i grew out of being a child. i think i have the same fear now--that i'll never be that happy again.

49 do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

- i like records but i only have one. it's an album by ccr. i really like them

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?

- beer bottle caps

52. what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

- maybe those "girl..." text posts that just say stupid shit

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

- watched them all but pulp fiction. i don't really remember heathers at all

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

- lets not talk about that

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

- not in the mood sorry

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bri is wine mom. quincy and i are vodka aunt.

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

- yes but i rarely remember favorites. i read so much and feel it then forget all the words

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

- someone gave me a rock once. i get too nervous to give stupid gifts

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

- orange or cranberry

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

- i'm more fussy about music than books, but i do like my books organized. i like them worn in and well-read tho, not in perfect shape.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?

- a fuzzy, light blue-grey. it's snowing

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

- a few

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?

- lots of green leaves in all different shapes and sizes. tiny white and blue flowers.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

- isolated and insignificant. safe

68. what’s winter like where you live?

- cold, grey, snowy.

69. what are your favorite board games?

- idk if i really too many board games. maybe cranium. i like puzzles more

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?

- honey vanilla chamomile

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

- yea and even then i forget.

73. what are some of your worst habits?

- i give up too easily

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

- excitable. emotional. so very smart. creative as all hell. self-conscious where they shouldn't be. never runs out of words in the best way. loves to share.

75. tell us about your pets!

- my dog shiver is turning into a little old man, but he still acts like a puppy. he likes attention and whines to communicate. he'll greet you at the door and put his front paws on your thighs to say hi. follows you all around the house. loves to cuddle.

- my pigeon spirit is young and vocal. she coos for attention. when i go to sleep, she grunts every time i move to ask where i am and if i'm okay. i take showers with her and sit on the tile; she puffs up right into my side and sticks her wings out for me to splash water on her. she likes to be close to me to get neck scritches and push her head into my neck and preen every bit of me she can.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

- a lot probably

77. pink or yellow lemonade?

- limeade

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

- i dunno they're cute

80. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

- it's white wallpaper with pink roses along the top and ribbons of pink and green striped vertically. my mom chose it before i was born.

81. describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

- they sort of remind me of dark water where everything is reflected back in it--not just the sky but the trees and people walking--and they make you want to look closer because you know there's something in there, it's not just a reflection, like flat glass. but it's hidden until you dio your hand in the pictures broken.

82. are/were you good in school?

- pretty good

83. what’s some of your favorite album art?

- i don't look at albums

85. do you read comics? what are your faves?

- not really, but watchmen is one of my favorites.

86. do you like concept albums? which ones?

- dunno

88. are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

- um. idrk. i like whatever monet was doing.

91. where do you plan on traveling this year?

- maybe michigan

92. are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

- i like cheese

93. what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

- i just kind of. let it do whatever.

94. who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

- my uncle

95. what are your plans for this weekend?

- honestly have no clue

96. do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

- put them off until windows tells me it's restarting the computer in five minutes

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

- mb

98. when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

- in college with jacob, although i wouldn't really call it joking. we just walked through a state park. it was beautiful.

100. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

- idk. i feel like i'd make the same mistakes if i went back, but the future scares me.

[bxstiae]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

tagged by: i took it from @wildshero tagging: anybody who wants to i guess.... um... @lupihero / @hyaciiintho / @origcmibird / @dansiere / @drakslay / @fellcarnate / @gerudofury / @aerialarcher​ / there i added people. 

fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au ( dependent on verse ) / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. ( it honestly depends who you ask, and when in the story it is. )

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I follow enough canon to not change the plot, but its very VERY lore heavy. and it diverges post game as well. Not to mention there are some discrepancies with my Link as well. namely his eye colour. his personality is BIT more jaded than canon. but then again, he is a character that is ( in theory ) YOU. so its how YOU play the game. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  — i mean. idk im not really a sellout in general....?? he’s... extremely interesting in the fact that you have a tired man(tm) who’s just about done with the world at such a young age. he’s the hero of hyrule, and has done many feats. he has interesting stories to tell. and he’s not at all a boring person. he’s a bit quirky, has a fan-base, and overall, who WOULDN’T want to interact with link? i mean its LINK. after all... not to mention that he’s not really PREDICTABLE for the most part. I mean he is kind of but also not at all. I just??? i think a lot of people find him interesting? he’s also very attentive at times. you literally have to throw a rock and he will look your direction. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — he is a selective mute. he WILL not talk. he will not approach you. you HAVE to approach him.... while he tends to be ‘OP’ he really isn’t. he’s still very much a human, and will react as such. its very hard to approach cause he has that ‘intimidating feel’ and lets not forget that he really does straight up ignore people if hey dont say anything to him. in that aspect it’s hard to interact with him. because its not like he ‘tunnel visions’ but he just wont pay attention to you if there is nothing to pay attention to. 

What inspired you to rp your muse?  — he’s been a muse for me since 2012. just always put on the backburner for a reason. but really? link was the ONE character that I could relate to. he was my go to guy. really. in high school, i struggled with friends and a lot of other things. but i pushed through. and honestly. link was ALWAYS a character that i turned to for that. it happened with Skyward Sword as well. when BOTW came out it was the same way. BOTW was my go to game in college because of link. so when i finally gt the wiiu version and started playing TP again, i was like. YEP im making him again. cause yes. the themes in TP are all themes that are right up my alley too. so of course i am going to find inspiration there. I ALSO found inspiration when i found some celtic music as well. I listen to msic when i write my replies. and when i was writing a reply on another blog. i found some celtic music and i just had THAT MOOD. 

What keeps your inspiration going? — the game. celtic music. honestly art. vines. anythign that reminds me of TP Link keeps me going. some of the interactions i have keep me going. the PLOTS i have keep me going.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. 

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( lol yea. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( i mean i love to write drabbles tbh. I don’t think i have on link, but I would always LOVE to. though if you look at some of my asks, they can be considered drabbles. lololol i love to write. )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( link is the ONE muse i never EVER lose confidence in. which is why he is such a strong character for me. link is me. straight up. and i think somebody asked me that too. he’s NOT a self insert but. i can relate SO much to him in so many ways. but i love the way i portray him cause he is very unique. i just hope that my confidence doesn’t SCARE duplicates and other people cause i would never want people to be intimidated by THIS fact that i am confident. )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( lol yea. honestly i love to write. though my style always changed and sometimes i worry about that. cause sometimes i have prose and sometimes i dont. but im an adaptable writer which i always loved about myself. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( yea. both. i am both. im sensitive ooc but want to say shit about my portrayal. i don’t really care. say shit about me, and then i get upset and sad. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — depends n the criticism. I say this all the time. theres constructive criticism. and then theres. just plain hate. I accept anything thats constructive. I want to know what i need to work on or what people would want to see. link is an ever-changing muse. i learn and grow and i will take anything thats told to me nicely without the hate.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — PLEASE. jsut send them my way i LOVE all the questions and character development. you dont even have to be a mutual for that.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  — yes and no. i mean its my HC. you are allowed to disagree with my HC. hoenstly. thats the beauty of INTERPRETATIONS. i dont expect every TP link out there to agree with all of my HCs. so long as we can all be mature adults about it and talk normally with one another. we gucci. like we are allowed to have different HCs. and honestly. I would want to know because i would want to know what YOU think about the ‘canon.’ cause it’s different. i like those differences.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — idk why they would? its link? its the protag. and in a way its supposed to be different for each person anyway??? its like taking Robin or Corrin from FE. like people are allwoed to disagree with the portrayal i GUESS? but i don’t understand why anybody would like stragiht up HATE the portrayal. its just different? idk. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — see above tbh. but honestly. depends. do you hate him for the portrayal. or do you hate him cause of his character personality. like you’re allowed to interact with ‘bad’ characters. not that i think anybody would HATE link? but you know i could be wrong??? idk how to answer this cause what do you mean by hate? you can hate a character. but still interact with them??? idk how to compute this question???

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — yes and no. honestly. i know i make mistakes. but i don’t want grammar nazi’s. i write to relax. the only time i would want people to tell me is if they were trying to figure out what i meant. does that make sense. like if they are confused on something. then its okay to tell me. otherwise if its something that is just a small mistake that you can ignore. then its no big deal. its also how you approach me too. like approach with caution. i am a delicate flower. so don’t attack me for making a mistake.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  i am VERY VERY easygoing!!! I want to say im VERY kind. i am very accepting and EXTREMELY FORGIVING. no joke. I want to be the kindest person out there. I dont want people to be intimidated by me. I don’t want people to be scared of hurt by me. hoenstly. I am a very nice person. I may have different opinions but i am VERY respectful to everybody even those i do not agree with. Nobody should ever feel weird about me like ever okay? please don’t. I never want bad blood. so if something ever happens between us. you are always ALWAYS more than welcome to come talk to me when emotions have fizzled out. I am very apologetic too. so like?? idk??? who would???? consider me??? and asshole??? im tired. and i shut my door fast but its mainly cause... i am tired. nothing else has to do with it. i am very excitable and happy for people who talk to me. i consider ANYBODY who talks to me a friend. im jsut??? no really. i know people are shy. but im over her a big tired ball of fluff. i only want love and happiness for people. anybody who’s talked to me can testify to this. ♥♥

that’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[btssavedmylifeblr]

hii i adore your writing and was wondering if you had any tips for people starting to write smut?

Thank you! 💕 First thing I’ll say is that writing smut is not all that different from writing anything else. Good smut writing has to be good writing, so any good writing tips will also improve your smut. Smut in particular tends to benefit from clear, uncomplicated prose that is easy to read.

I self-indulgently made this post as step-by-step smut recipe, mostly as a writing exercise for myself. It got long, so I am placing a cut here. Also, I wrote some example smut, so there’s mature content below. 

1. Basic Premise - So all smut starts with one of a few basic premises. The sex acts can change, but there are only so many possibilities. I’m working with a heterosexual example here, but these suggestions work for everything. 

He stuck his penis in her vagina, then ejaculated.

So there’s what actually happens, but that’s probably not doing a lot for you. Let’s see how we can improve it.

2. Terminology - Some words are sexier than others. This is just my personal preference, but “cock” seems to be the sexiest word for male genitalia. “Dick” feels a bit more like a joke to me like “he thrust his cock into her” vs. “he got his dick stuck in his zipper”. “Penis” feels appropriate for when its flaccid, but isn’t very sexy. “Erection” can be good, especially if it just happened and you want to draw attention to it, but can be weird if used repeatedly. “Manhood”, “length”, “member” and “shaft” are okay if you’re trying to be coy. Anything else is probably too much.

For female genitalia, again this is personal preference, but I think “cunt” is the best choice. “Cock” and “cunt” are both hard short words and I think that makes them work well. They punch you in the gut. “Vagina” is fine. “Entrance” or “inside me/you/her” are good for being coy. “Clitoris” is good. I will sometimes use “clit” or “pussy” but only in dialogue. They feel too conversational to use in the narration for me, but other people will disagree.

There’s no official “Elements of Style for Smut” but I feel strongly that “come” is a verb and “cum” is a noun. “I’m coming!” is exciting. “I’m cumming” is gross. “He came on her inner thigh. She then wiped the cum off with a towel.”

So if we return to the original sentence and change terminology, we get:

He thrust his cock into her cunt, then came inside her. 

That’s better. Still not terribly exciting.

3. Description - Description is a double-edged sword. You want the reader to imagine the scene in their head, but if you overdo it, the reader gets thrown out of the story because you end up sounding like a technical manual or harlequin romance novel. Avoid being overly specific and use analogy and metaphor very sparingly. You want the reader to see it clearly in their mind. Finicky details and dramatic analogies distract from the scene. 

Bad description: “His cock was seven and a half inches long with the head just a shade darker than shaft. It looked like an elongated mushroom plucked from the garden of her darkest fantasies.”

Try to focus more on describing emotions and sensations than on physical mechanics. It won’t be the same picture that you see in your mind and that’s okay.  It will turn them on more if they can project their own mental images onto your writing.

His cock was hard, leaking with his eagerness to be inside her. He thrust into her and felt her cunt clench around him. 

An improvement, still kind of boring.

4. Dialogue - Dialogue is potent. If the reader can hear the character’s voice in your head, it helps put them into the scene better. Some good dirty talk can take the steaminess of a scene way up. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” His cock was hard, leaking with his eagerness to be inside her. 

“Yes,” she moaned, “yes, god, please.” 

He thrust into her and felt her cunt clench around him. “That’s a good girl.”

Okay, so, now we’re getting somewhere.  

5. Tension - This is an aspect that a lot of beginning smut writers miss. When I was starting out, I thought that just describing the act was sexy enough, but there needs to be something at stake, whether that be conflict or risk or emotional fallout. This is why people get so excited about tropes like enemies to lovers or forbidden fruit, because there is tension. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” His cock was hard, leaking with his eagerness to be inside her.

“Yes,” she moaned, “yes, god, please.”

“Shh…” He clamped a hand down on her mouth. “You’ll wake her up.” 

She looked over at her sleeping roommate only a few feet away. Fuck. This was wrong. But she was so turned on, wet and aching for him. She couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving her alone and empty.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Think you can keep quiet for me?” She nodded and he pulled his hand away. He thrust into her and felt her cunt clench around him. She bit her lip hard to stifle her moan. 

“That’s a good girl.”

So that’s some pretty passable smut. Not the greatest by any stretch, but there’s a bit of a story there and I can picture what’s happening in my head. It would be better if they weren’t just nameless talking heads, which brings me to my last point.

6. Relatable Characters / Realism - Yes, smut is mostly fantasy, but the effectiveness of the smut is directly related to how well your reader can empathize with the characters. Nothing takes me out a story faster than if I’m sitting there going “I don’t understand why she is into this dude” or “use a condom! This fuckboi clearly has gonorrhea!” Making your characters relatable and allowing them to have some real struggles makes the whole story feel more real, which in turn makes it hotter. I’m not saying all smut has to be perfectly protected and responsible, all sex certainly isn’t. But acknowledging the risks can often up the tension and make your story more believable. 

I don’t have a great way to demonstrate that with this silly little mock story, but I’m happy to talk more about realism or character building in future asks. 

Hope that was helpful! My About Me page has a bunch more writing asks if you’re interested. 

[levyfiles]

we all know how chaotic shane is but i havent seen anyone discuss ryan's most chaotic moments. thoughts?

Oh, nonnyb, you come like a whisper from god himself..

I mean, of course, we must discuss Ryan’s most chaotic moments. The thing I love most about Ryan is that his chaos comes in two different incarnations. The first I’d like to highlight is what I like to call his ‘Messy Chaotic Baby too Messy For Society”. This is the side of him that awakens my cute aggression jsyk. The side of him that literally had a gross looking brown suede couch that looked like it had been rained on his apartment for what I’m sure is Years. The side of him that Shane once described as sitting wilfully silent while their friends were chatting and having fun because he was hungry and just wanted to look at pictures of popcorn on google to remind himself that he was going to eat soon. 

We see a real good hint of it actually in the video The Mysterious Death of Biggie Smalls. I once saw a post talking about this moment and it really resonated with me because it’s such a hilariously stupid moment but chaotic Ryan made that much funnier. Let me just break it down even though it should be so simple. They are touring around the city and streets where the shooting took place, he, Brent and Daysha and all the while it appears that Brent was driving because we see this part here.

This is typical Ryan being his catty self but then Brent gives him this look

And EXPOSES HIS ASS

Which if you’ve recently watched the episode, this comes entirely without context until the very end of the episode where I’m sure Brent insisted be included because Ryan is a little shit and he needed to be Called Out. 

I mean…unless you’re rocking a Tesla, babe; your vehicle runs on fuel which you need to replenish before you hit the highway (for the record i was in this exact situation just last month so I have little place to talk. Thank god for middle of nowhere gas stations 15 min away from your actual destination).

ANYWAY, Ryan is SHOOK and Brent is clocking his time in amused tones and it results in one of the funniest few seconds of the ‘Brent Arc’ of Unsolved. 

Ryan breathing like he’s about to give birth to a brick, cheeks puffing in and out and huffing like a freight train as if that’s going to help them make it but

Then the Mad Screaming/Cackling that follows between shouts at traffic 

Chaotic Hilarious. What makes this funnier in hindsight is the fact that the whole of the two part special showed Brent driving which is almost as if this incident which almost got them stuck in the middle of the California desert highway got Ryan demoted from driving altogether.

NOW the second incarnation of Chaotic Ryan. What I have noticed about him is that during the actual location shoots barring an interesting moment on the top of a set of stairs with a flashlight and A Pair of Hips, Ryan is pretty lawful Panicked during the episodes. I think it wasn’t until they got to New Orleans that Shane brought out a really interesting side of Ryan that I’m particularly fond of. That is, the second incarnation of Chaotic Ryan which I call,  ‘I am a Good Wholesome Guy but I will describe your impending death in graphic detail as if I were the architect if you so much as square up. I got weapons and I will spend the better part of my days weight lifting so when I come for you, there’ll only be a streak of red left.” 

We’ve all seen the show. We know what those moments look like so I won’t spam you with screenshots (right now anyway) but this moment, short as it is, is in the William Desmond Taylor Q+A. Shane begins to read a question that literally plays out like a headcanon post you’d see in the tag anyday by some of the ingenious blogs we’ve got around here. (Who did it?!) saying What if Ricky Goldsworth is a demon that Ryan picked up during his supernatural adventures. Ryan gets this face

It’s weird. I recognised that face the moment I saw it and couldn’t figure out why, but the camera began panning in as the headcanon went on in great detail and I was watching Ryan closely as Shane began to narrate a universe in which Ricky the demon finds a glimmer of sin in Ryan and cleaves to him and Ryan’s smile just increases its wattage

Shane continues to read out this elaborate fic prompt where the demon slowly begins to overtake Ryan’s heart and Ryan is just like

And I’m like “Why do I find this expression so familiar?? Why is this leaving such a strong impression with me; the smile, the way his eyes are glimmering with excitement. What is it.” And then after a brief interruption in which Ryan reassures us that while Ricky the demon might not be into wearing underwear, he definitely is– this happens

IT WAS WELL WRITTEN AND IT HIT ME! 

I’ll be going down my dashboard and once in a while I’ll come upon a post. That One Post with a delicious story unfolding in a descriptive and unique set of plot points that pull all the stops for great storytelling and characterisation that makes me quake with absolute glee and that’s it. My face and Ryan’s face were the same! His face journey while Shane literally reads out this beautiful and dark fic prompt where he’s being slowly engaged with a terrible demon that turns him into a criminal. Ryan is enamored and can’t help but admire the actual prose of the question and that rings such a big Chaotic Mood for me. 

Let me tell you, nonnyb; there is nothing more chaotic than a babe that enjoys a good read about their favourite characters being impacted by demons. Prove me wrong

[gurguliare]

small yuletide rec post

Twitch -- 1341w, Thoroughbreds (2017), mild R. Perfect Amanda voice and an adorably objectified Lily. TBH if you haven’t seen the movie I think this is not a bad advertisement for it, or at least not a bad spot test for whether you’d enjoy its particular humor. 

"I think I'm having a sexual fantasy," Amanda says one afternoon. They're sitting in a courtyard under a tree. They're wearing their uniforms, of course. Lily is wearing sunglasses. The metal fence that surrounds the exterior of Brookmore can be seen in the distance.

"Really? I didn't think you had sexual thoughts. Doesn't that go in with the no feelings thing?" Lily turns her head lazily to one side.

"I don't really feel turned on? I mean, I had an orgasm once while riding Honeymooner, but I think that was just because of where the seam of my pants settled when we were trotting. I masturbate sometimes, but I don't think about anything when I'm doing it."

Lily's expression is unreadable behind her sunglasses. "Why do you think you're having a sexual fantasy, then?"

Where It Starts -- 1202w, Ghost Trick, PG. I love Lynne!! Ace Detective! And Yomiel’s fucking awful attempts to embrace the brand new future, I love those! Extremely spoilery for Ghost Trick, the game, unlike Twitch I would not read this as a taster, but this is basically the fic epilogue I always wanted. 

Kamila had knelt down to Missile's level and was staring seriously into his face. "Leave the nice man alone, okay, Missy?"

Nice man. All right. He had taken this girl's nervous system in his spectral hands and marched her down the corridors of a foreign submarine to kill her father. He had killed her mother. But all that had been undone, of course, and he was reformed now. A nice man in the park. The victim of a sad series of accidents and his own poor judgment, nothing else, and he'd paid his debt to society, and this time next year he'd be settling into married life.

He should probably be more polite to Missile, considering. But he had always been more of a cat person.

The Lay of Sir Marroc -- 2026w, The Idylls of the Queen, PG. I was extremely excited to see TWO Idylls of the Queen fic this year and they’re both delightful; I’m reccing this one because I think it has more generic Arthurian appeal and there’s a nice Karr-esque mystery built in. Also it’s more reticent about its implied pairing, and I always welcome cowardly gen. The most IC option when shipping two weird cowards!

The knights of Camelot might have taken no notice of my efforts on Her Grace’s part, but the squires—or at least the contingent that originated from Orkney—certainly had, if the hushed whispers and sidelong glances were any indication.

I found it flattering enough until Florence, who seemed to believe days of shared travel allowed him some degree of familiarity, apologized outright for it.

“No need,” I said so graciously my detractors would not credit it. “It’s no more than my duty, saving brother knights—“

“Oh, not what you did for Father,” said Florence impatiently; and then, coloring, added: “Though certainly I am grateful for your valor. Did you think we hadn’t noticed that you were the only one who could coax Unc—er, Sir Mordred from one of his sulks?”

...for wage or yet for wed -- 4031w, The Lymond Chronicles, very mild R. Really accomplished Francis/Christian fixit, in which predictably my favorite character is Philippa. But GOD I love Philippa. This story is also notable for its deft merging of “a readable human prose style” and “Dunnett dialogue.”

“Forgive me for not realising that you had everything under control! It must have been all the chains.”

“You were the one who insisted on involving yourself,” Lymond continued. “Think about that, Lady Christian. You’ve created a hero and a romance for yourself, like Agnes Herries, but there is no hero and no romance. You are trying to help someone who doesn’t exist.” He threw the papers onto the ground and stalked out of the room.

As his footsteps faded Kate felt herself unfreeze: she took Christian’s hands and led her back to a seat. Christian was trembling, and tears were running down her face. “The originals may still exist,” she said as she put a crumpled handkerchief into the girl’s hands. “Perhaps Mr. Harvey decided to keep them, that’s all.”

“What does it matter, if he can’t get them!”

On the Ice -- 1831w, The Left Hand of Darkness, G. Someone wrote LHOD fic with Moby Dick fanfic inside it, meaning this was the gift God intended for me, had I only the courage to receive it. It’s also pretty funny, in true Genly-and-Estraven-dissect-the-universe fashion, up until it isn’t! Basically the exact fic I had in mind when complaining about how Genly’s space-exile situation isn’t really dealt with in canon.

“And the people?” he asked, more softly. “Do you miss them?”

In that moment I was warmed by the stove and my downed broth of gichy-michy, and by something deeper than either of those: a warmth of the soul kindled in those weeks, which the fiercest winds of Winter could not touch. I looked into Estraven’s wind-burned face, and full of fellow-feeling, I said, “The Ekumen is full of people.”

He looked at me at me for so long that in another man I’d have found it disconcerting. I’d come to expect it in Estraven, that habit of looking deeply, which I suppose he had cultivated at his Fastness long before. At last he said gravely, “That is so, Genly Ai. That is so.” But then he gave me such a smile that I’ve never forgotten it, as warm as a sunrise over Borland City. “Out there in the stars, isn’t that right? People everywhere.”